It’s really important to get to know yourself first, to know what you like and what you don’t. In order to influence people, you need to put yourself in their shoes and approach the situation in that way. This takes tactfulness and patience. The author also makes use of wise quotes from philosophers and great people to explain his ideas, which I really liked. He also gives examples from the lives of successful people to elaborate his point and also, gives pointers on how to incorporate those pieces of advice in our daily lives. Every advice given in this book is valuable, no matter how commonplace it is. I believe this book should be a necessary read for students in school and college.
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Lloyd George, Great Britain’s Prime Minister during World War I, who stayed in power long after the other wartime leaders had been forgotten, was asked how he managed to remain on top. His response: He had learned that it is necessary to “bait the hook to suit the fish.”
If we can put aside our own thoughts, opinions, and wants, and truly see things from another person’s perspective, we will be able to convince them that it is in their best interest to do whatever it is we’re after.
We are often tempted to argue with others, especially when we are absolutely convinced that we’re right about something. But even if we are right, what does arguing about it yield? Why prove someone else wrong? Is that going to make the person like us? Why not just let him save face, if we have nothing to gain from it but “feeling” superior?
According to Carnegie, it’s impossible to win an argument. If we lose the argument, we lose; if we win the argument, we have made the other person feel inferior, hurt his pride, and made him resent us. In other words, we still lose.
- Welcome the disagreement. If the other person is raising a point we haven’t considered, we can be thankful it’s brought to our attention. It may save us from making a mistake.
- Distrust our first instinctive impression. Our natural reaction to a disagreeable situation is to become defensive. We should keep calm and watch out for how we first react.
- Control our temper. Only negative outcomes result from a bad temper.
- Listen first. We can give our opponents a chance to talk without interrupting, and let them finish without resisting, defending, or debating.
- Look for areas of agreement. Surface those first.
- Be honest. Look for areas where we can admit error and apologize for our mistakes. This helps reduce defensiveness.
- Promise to think over our opponents’ ideas and study them carefully. And mean it. Thank our opponents sincerely for their interest. If they’re taking the time to argue with us, they’re interested in the same things we are.
- Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem. In the meantime, ask ourselves honestly if our opponents might be right, or partly right.
Next time you find yourself in a disagreement with someone, don’t respond with criticism or a negative email. Instead, sleep on it. You’d be surprised how much perspective you can gain by giving yourself a bit of time to think the situation over.
Read every 10 years for an optimal life
I read this originally well over 30 years ago, and it is one of the books that has profoundly influenced my life. The essence is simply the golden rule: Do as to others as you would be done by. In a world where every one is (whether we like to admit it or not) out for themselves, it is still optimal to be loving and co-operative if you understand that life is essentially win-win: we gain ourselves by giving to others what they most want. And if they only give us back 80% of what they get, we are still both better off, because a lot of what we want (recognition, respect, affection) is FREE. So once this ‘enlightened self-interest’ gets a hold, out of the crooked stuff that man is made of, we find. we can all be happy! Read it, DC explains it better than I do.
This is well worth listening too! Main points are.
✦ Six ways to make people like you
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
3. Remember a person’s name.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
✦ Win people to your way of thinking
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.
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A key to my transformation from a narcissistic nihilist into someone who actually cares what people think. People are unbelievably interesting if you learn to listen to what they say. If you can do that, you’ll find people telling you their life story within a few minutes of meeting them. Dale Carnegie will teach you how, and much more. Indispensable to the introvert who has trouble either relating, or just knowing what to say to people. A masterpiece in the art of rhetoric. Easy to read and understand. As long as you bathe regularly, this is best way to make people enjoy your company I want to live in a world where people ask me; “how are you” and they actually WANT to know. You too can enjoy being a human who cares about other humans.